The Abyss Of Doubt
by BlueBirdsSoar
Summary: Doubt kills. Doubt kills relationships, dreams and above all, happiness; and, when you're in too deep there's nothing you can do. You become suspicious of everyone around you and you start to do things you would regret if it hadn't already consumed you. It didn't take much but Lucy doubted her existence, however, there's one thing Lucy doesn't doubt, that being, she's useless.


Author's Note:

Hmmmm...where to start...well, my pen name is Blue, I'm a teenage girl who loves anime, reading, Kdramas and a whole load of other oriental stuff. First of all, let me start off by saying, thank you for taking your time to read my story and I really do hope you enjoy it ^.^ It's not the best, I must admit, but it's my first. Please do leave your comments/reviews and make sure to favourite - constructive criticism is always greatly appreciated.

Finally, a HUGE shout out/hug to my friend **ThunderCroft **( u/4177764/Thunder-Croft) who has helped guide me in the art of fanfictioning (if that's what you call it xP), she's an amazing person with great stories that I'm sure you'll love, so make sure to pop over to her profile and have a read ;).

Blue x

* * *

Fanfiction - Natsu and Lucy  
Lost in the Abyss

**I do not own any of the characters from Fairy Tail - they all belong to their respective owners.**

"I'm sorry everyone, but goodbye...I will never forget you," she promised in whisper of words, as the golden waves in her hair fluttered with the breeze, and the tears slid down her cheeks slowly and gently. She turned, walked and never looked back towards her home, her guild, her family and her love.

* * *

-2 days before-

"Let's goooo! Happy." Natsu shouted enthusiastically, running with his white scarf tailing behind him.

"Aye sir!" Happy agreed with the same enthusiasm, flying and picking up Natsu in the process.

"Requip," Erza shouted before transforming into her fire empress armour; her scarlet hair now tightly tied up in a pony tail, swaying as she ran. Not a move was wasted - every step calculated.

"Ice maker HAMMER!" Topless Grey announced before, a giant hammer crafted out of ice appeared.

A flash of light, the sharp flick of a knife, a cool burst of ice and it was over. The beast was dead and Fairy Tail had won. Victorious, they were now recognised as the strongest guild in Fiore.

A pause. But then a cry - a roar erupted, cheers of joy filled the stadium, tears streamed down faces.

"We won!" Lucy shouted. "Everyone, we won!"

"Yes! 30 million jewels!" Masters cried over joyed.

"My my. Master" Mirajane teased.

"Let's have a party to celebrate, everyone." Master suggested. "Say 'aye' if you agree!"  
And of course the whole guild resounded with "Aye!".

Everyone started filing out of the stadium towards a nearby tavern, to do just that- celebrate. But who could blame them? They had just been crowned as kings and queens over all the wizards in Fiore (metaphorically speaking of course).

"Let's go, Lucy, Happy." Natsu encouraged.

"Aye sir!"

"Ok," Lucy agreed happily.

They started to make their way to the tavern, when Lucy stopped. "Hey?" She felt around in her pockets. "W-wait hold on a second guys." She said, waving one hand out in front of her.

"What's wrong Lucy?" Happy asked, both Natsu and himself turning around to see what was wrong.

"Nothing, I just left something back at the stadium. You go on ahead to the party first and I'll meat you there." She replied running off.

"Ok, see you later then," Natsu trailed off, watching her run into the distance before turning back around in the direction of the designated tavern.

She had forgotten her electrical whip, given to her and modified by Virgo. After finding it in the infirmary she had been in just days before, Lucy started making her way back towards the tavern.

"Hey, hey. Isn't that the girl who lost but is still in 'Fairy Tail'?" She heard a girl whispering to her friend as she walked pass.

"Yeah, it is!" Her friend replied in revelation, "I feel sorry for their guild for having such a weak member like her. She couldn't even stand against the sabertooths."

"Wait, I think she can hear you," the girl said in panic. "Don't be so mean, you might get into trouble for it."

"Aah, who cares. She wouldn't even be able to lay a finger on me. I heard she's useless and only knows how to be saved. I even feel sorry for the spirits who are stuck with her. Did you see that mermaid? She looked like she wanted nothing but to kill the girl."

The two girls must have been gossiping louder than they had thought, because a crowd had gathered around them and had started murmuring their agreements.

"Yeah! She can't even attract a decent man!" One said.

"She's not Fairy Tail material!" Another added.

"Why is she even in that guild? If I were her, I would leave. She's just shaming all of her friends."

All the insults, she heard every single one of them, and every time is was like an electric shock to her chest - her heart ached (it was painful) but every shock reinforced the truth behind those words.

Feigning ignorance to what those around her were accusing her for, she marched on pass with her head held high when really her heart was slowly sinking. Although it crushed her to admitted it, they were right; she was always being saved, always asking for the help from the guild whilst she could never do anything. On top of that, she hadn't won a single match she had participated in during the tournament; instead, for the majority of it, she had been stuck inside the infirmary recovering from her losses. Nevertheless, that night (although with a strained smile) Lucy rejoined her friends at the tavern and celebrated their victory - one she had no contribution in. Everyone was too drowned in celebration to notice that the smile she was smiling was forced, that is was fake.

Lucy woke up early in the next morning, well, then again you wouldn't say 'woke' because she didn't actually get any sleep as she was too caught up in her negative thoughts.

"Hey Lucy!" Somebody called her. She turned, to find Natsu and Happy looking very energetic as per usual. Then entered Grey, Erza, Wendy (accompanied by Carla) and Juvia who was hiding in the background watching her Prince of Ice i.e. Grey. "I found us a job!" He continued.

"Wait, already?!" Lucy asked shocked.

"Yeah, we have to eat somehow," he replied.

"...ok then let's go," Lucy agreed after a slight hesitation. She hadn't been to keen on the idea of getting a job right after competing and winning (of course).

"We will accompany you," Erza added, she was dressed in her normal armour with her arms crossed in front of her.

"Wait, what?!" Lucy shouted once again in shock.

"We can leave that douche bag to look after you. You'll just get kidnapped again." Grey added smugly, clearly intending to offend Natsu.

"Who are you calling a douche bag, douche bag?!" Natsu retaliated.

"I'm not the douche bag you are stuuupid," Grey replied.

"Oh really? Why yoooouu!" Natsu cried charging at Grey, before a white ball of puff appeared showing that they we on a fully fledged fist fight.

Although the insult had been aimed at Natsu, it had hurt Lucy the most. 'You'll just get kidnapped again'...those word just confirmed her fears. Not strong enough to look after herself, always relying on those in the guild to save her, in other words: useless, and not fit for Fairy Tail. How could have let it go on for so long? Of course she hadn't realised it before, because everyone around had been too curious to say anything. It wasn't just the people outside the guild who saw her as a burden to the guild, but her very own friends as well. It hurt. It hurt so, so much.

"Erm...guys. I don't think I'll be going in the end," Lucy started. At that all heads in the room turned to her and the boys stopped fighting. This was unusual; Lucy was always up for earning money with Natsu especially when it meant more money going towards her rent.

"What's wrong Lucy?" Happy asked looking concerned.

"Nothing's wrong," Lucy tightly smiled, "I just thought I'd make my way back first."

She was leaving, but she didn't want them to know - not until she had left - it would be easier this way.

"Ok, if you say so," Natsu said, clearly unaffected by what Lucy had said; it wasn't as if Lucy always went with them on jobs, it was just rare for her not to.

"Let's pack our things and then we can held to the station together," Erza suggested, no, ordered.

* * *

Hours later Lucy got off the train. People around her rejoiced in the victory of Fairy Tail, proud that a guild from their city had won. However, the joy did not spread to her, she was too drowned in her despair to celebrate with the bustling city around her.

No matter how much she thought about it, she agonisingly concluded the same things repeatedly. She did not belong. She only caused trouble for the people around her. She was useless. She was only and always being saved by her friends - nothing but a burden. She did not belong.

"Once more," she thought, "I at least need to visit once more, before I leave for good." Besides, she needed to collect her things before she disappeared for good. It was cruel for her not to tell them what thoughts were swirling in her mind, cruel for her not to thank them for all they had done, but she figured that they would only try and stop her, would only make things harder, would only make her feel guiltier by saying things like, "don't worry we'll always be here for you - we'll always protect you." No, she wanted to protect them, and not be constantly protected; leaving without any farewells was for the best, they would eventually forget about her anyway.

The guild was empty, Erza entrusted her with a set of keys when hearing she would go back to the guild first. Before disappearing for good, she would have one last tour around the guild before she would leave the keys she had been given on the counter top, along with her memories and farewells. Her thoughts were morbid, and her last walk around the building was slow and tantalising - the tears wouldn't stop falling.

"I'm sorry everyone, but goodbye...I will never forget you," she promised in whisper of words, as the golden waves in her hair fluttered with the breeze, and the tears slid down her cheeks slowly and gently. She turned, walked and never looked back towards her home, her guild, her family and her love.

But when she turned her hazel nut eyes met with those which were black. A boy dressed in black with a white scarf that never turned black and spiky salmon pink hair she had come to love. But his face was adorned with a frown, his eyebrows scrunched up in confusion instead of his usual playfully cheeky smile that she had already started to miss.

"Lucy, what did you just say? Why are you crying?" His voice was deep as he asked her these questions, clearly showing that he was upset and unsure of what to make of the scene in front of him.

Shocked, Lucy quickly averted her eyes and looked towards the ground, fiddling with her suitcase's handle and dragging her feet in small circular movements in the ground.

"N-Natsu! Erm...I-I was just...about to go on holiday..." She answered clearly lying, but how else was she supposed to explain the luggage she was holding in her hands.

"Oh, is that all? Happy and I just visited your house and were just kicked out by the landlady. She said that you paid the rest of this month's rent and told her you were moving. Happy's still there right now begging for her to let us all back in. Let's go and tell her it's all a big misunderstanding," he suggested, his voice had returned to its previous cheerful tone and he had a brighter look on his face.

He rushed over to her, grabbing her suitcase in one hand and her hand in the other, and started leading her towards the direction of her former house. Caught by surprised, Lucy stumbled a few steps forward, but then came to a stand still. Her head was still facing towards the ground and Natsu could see tears falling from her eyes, staining the dirt.

"Lucy what's wrong? Why are you crying?" He said, concerned, lifting her chin up in order to get a clearer view of her face - her eyes were red and puffy from crying, getting wetter as fresh tears overflowed.

She shook her head and pulled away from his grasp, taking a step backwards and once again finding comfort in looking at the floor; any further touch or gazing into his eyes and she would have crumbled, agreeing with whatever more he had to say and just aimlessly following him - just because.

"Natsu, I can't," Lucy started, "I-I've need to leave before anyone else comes back. This holiday is going to be a long one, and I don't want anyone asking questions..."

"What? Why?" Natsu asked completely baffled - this was nothing like the cheerful and out-going person he loved (secretly of course).

And of course, with no plausible lie to give, Lucy answered, "No - don't, Natsu, don't ask me any more questions."

"What? Why? Lucy, what's wrong?" He asked, his concern for her rising.

Lucy, in attempt to dodge the questions, and avoid any further heartbreak, tried to step around Natsu, hoping that he wouldn't stop her - but to no avail, as he blocked her as soon as she made any signs of movement.

"Natsu, let me go," she begged him.  
"No, not before you tell me what's wrong. I'll go and beat up whoever's making you cry," He declared, firmly.

It was a dagger to her - just like adding fuel to the fire, it helped her all the more in reaching her resolve. Every time it was like this; she was nothing but a burden, who had her friends to fight her fights for her. Well, this time it would be different, her inner turmoil was hers to sort out and no one else's - Natsu couldn't help her here, she refused to let him.

"Natsu move," She demanded.

"Not until you tell me what's wrong," He retaliated.  
Frustrated, Lucy forced her way past Natsu, snatching her hand out of his and brushing shoulders as she barged pass him, not even bothering about the luggage knowing that it was tightly wrapped in Natsu's hands.

Suddenly, flames burst into light, in front of Lucy, making her stop in her tracks; her brown eyes widened in shock: Natsu had used his power over fire in efforts to trap her, before she could run away and do something she would regret later.

It worked; slowly, the flames fanned out and surrounded them in a ring of fire, enclosing them into a small area. She couldn't do anything - she couldn't summon Aquarius, as there was no water around and nothing else she did would distinguish the flames.

"N-Natsu, what are you doing?" She asked, slightly afraid; although she knew he would never harm her - he was currently in a state which scared her.

"Lucy," He said, sternly "I won't let you leave until you tell me what's the matter. Something is clearly wrong and I want to help you."  
He reached out to gently cup her cheek in his hand, but she flinched away, still afraid of what his touch might do to her.

His face and voice softened, "Tell me Lucy, what's wrong? Who's hurting you?"

Lucy finally gave in and started to sound the cruel truth. She spoke, as she unwillingly allowed tears to tumble down her rosy cheeks. "No-one's hurting me Natsu," She answered, vaguely.

"But if no-one is hurting you, then why are you crying?" He asked, confused, although still seeming concerned.

"It's just that everything would be better if I left," She replied, sadly - who knew her own words could bring her so much suffering?

"Why?" Natsu asked, "Who told you that?"

"No-one told me. I just figured it out," She responded, getting quieter.

"Why would you think such a thing?" He asked, his eyes scrunching up in concern for her. Natsu attempted to get a better look at her face, which was once again facing towards the ground - but Lucy managed to take a step backwards, as the flame which once trapped her had died down.

She answered, fiercely, "You don't get it Natsu! No-one has hurt me, but my being here is hurting everyone. Don't you see - I'm a burden to everyone. All I ever do is get into some sort of trouble and you guys have to help me because of it, and there's nothing I can do about it - I'm just the weak chain in the link, the burden to the guild."

Natsu was rendered speechless; he never thought that such a lively and caring girl would think of herself as a burden to the guild: weren't guild members meant to help each other? They were all family members after all and she meant much more to him than a mere friend, and neither was she a weakling - no celestial wizard, who could open two gates simultaneously whilst combining the powers of their celestial spirits, was a weakling.

After sensing Natsu's silence, Lucy took it as her cue to leave; the silence confirmed everything, she knew she had been right but being right can sometimes be the worst and the most hurtful. She turned, once again, and started walking towards the guild exit - where she would leave for good.

Overcome with the urgency of keeping Lucy, Natsu acted in the heat of the moment and grabbed onto Lucy's wrist spinning her around, catching her out of surprise. He slowly lent in as he stared into her large brown eyes, which were still wet from old tears, still wide from surprise and still mesmerisingly beautiful.

Lucy was caught out of surprise and was instantly hypnotised by his spell binding eyes. His lips advanced towards hers, until they were finally touching, and both automatically closed their eyes, melting into the kiss.

Natsu had fallen for Lucy for a long time now, and had wanted to kiss her for just as long, except he hadn't been sure if Lucy shared the same feelings for him, as the overly energised mage would constantly shout at him as playful - it was the same for Lucy, but vice versa. However, if Lucy was going to leave, he would have no other choice but to act upon his emotions, and well, to kiss her.

They broke the kiss apart, and Natsu rested his forehead on Lucy's, but they still had their eyes closed and she was tightly wrapped in his embrace.

When Lucy finally came back to her senses, her eyes snapped open and her cheeks instantly went red. She tried pushing away but Natsu wouldn't have any of it and started speaking before she could start complaining.

"Lucy," he whispered and, at the sound of her name, she stilled, "The guild always runs into problems and they're not your fault. I'm sure, if anyone ran into trouble, you wouldn't hesitate to lend a hand, and that's just how it is in Fairy Tail. We help each other. So you're not a burden - in fact you have helped more than you have caused trouble. And if anyone thinks differently, I'm sure we can sort them out together."

She looked up at him through her lashes and he smiled warmly back at her. With that, her walls started crumbling down, and the feeling of uselessness started drifting away. How could just a few words give her so much strength? She smiled, ever so slightly, but Natsu still caught it, and his grin grew.

"Naaatttssssuuu!" In a split second, their intimate moment was interrupted and both sprang apart from each other, not ready to show their newly found affections for each other publicly, but nevertheless they were both blushing deeply.

"Naaatttssssuuu!" Happy called out again, just before his wings disappeared and he landed in front of them. "What was taking you so long? I thought you had abandoned me, Natsu!" Happy complained, loudly.

Natsu replied, just as loudly, "Eeehh!? It's not like that, Happy! I would never leave you, I was just talking to Lucy for a bit about...about..."

"The next job we're taking," Lucy tried finishing for him.

Happy looked up at his friends, noticing how they were both still blushing and observing how they both had slightly bruised lips. He looked towards an imaginary audience, covering his mouth as if he was laughing and giggled, "They like each other!"

Lucy and Natsu, both heard clearly and shouted simultaneously, "No we don't!" Whilst blushing a deeper red, proving that what they had exclaimed was clearly a lie.

Just then, Erza entered, fully dressed in her armour which clinked quietly as she walked, along with Juvia and Grey, who had returned from job Lucy had decided to decline.

"Good evening, everyone, Wendy and Carla have chosen to go on another job," Erza informed them, formally and amiably.

Grey rushed past Erza and quickly into the guild, mumbling something about losing his clothes somewhere, and Juvia, lovesick, stalked her Grey-sama into the building.

To their relief, Natsu and Lucy had seemingly been forgotten, as Happy was now busy giggling about something with Erza, making her blush and stutter in her speech as they made their way into the guild as well.

Once the coast was clear, Natsu offered his hand to Lucy who gladly accepted, putting her smaller hand in his, which engulfed her's, and followed suit, hand in hand.

Never again would Lucy feel such pain, or doubt herself again, for Natsu made sure of it.

Fin


End file.
